A blog post on emotional intelligence? It felt like a great idea from the Instagram polls I held and soundly supremely patronizing from my end, until I finally sat down to write it all. I then realized that the tempting but elaborate attempt on how to improve one's emotional intelligence/quotient (EI/EQ) would also include the arduous task of self retrospection.
So here I am, giving you all my honest take (let's also credit the 300 odd hours I spent trying to perfect the ideal intro to this) on what are the signs of an emotionally sound person and how you, as an individual, can best utilize your emotions for a successful career trajectory and personal growth.
In simple words, a person who is socially intelligent is caring, empathetic, self-aware, optimistic, self-motivated individual with a deeply analytical mind. Sounds impossible? Of course it is! The purpose of this blog isn't to promote ideas of unlikely perfection. Nobody is perfect, and every individual has their own flaws. However, there are a few prominent traits/habits that set apart emotionally intelligent people and kind of overshadow their shortcomings, so you don't see it. Read on to know how you can emulate these qualities:
1. Develop self-awareness
For you to have better cognitive abilities, you must first do a self assessment of you biggest strengths and weaknesses. It is an act of honest acceptance of yourself. By doing this, you can then decide how best to embrace your strengths and work on overcoming your shortcomings. When you are self-aware, it allows you to understand people and situations and react accordingly. Only when you begin to complete accept yourself the way you are is when you embrace the concept of self-love. A higher sense of self-awareness solicits more confidence in yourself and ensures that you don't let any one else's opinion derail your self-esteem.
2. Steer clear of negative self-talk
There is a very fine line between acceptance of one's own shortcomings and then diving into a deep cesspool of self-hate and negativity. Do not allow self-assessment to swing over to that side of the line and propagate negative feelings about yourself. Make peace with the fact that you aren't perfect and you know your flaws and are willing to work on that. For instance, an emotionally intelligent person will accept to themselves that they perhaps are too lazy and will then proceed to have an action plan on how to stop themselves from procrastinating or delaying their work. It is as simple as that.
3. Be fluid to change
A great quality that sets apart emotionally intuitive people from the rest is their ability to be dynamic. Irrespective of whether they are extroverts or introverts, they are open to change and not set in their ways. Sometimes, being stubborn or adamant about certain things in life can cause you unnecessary angst and pain. People with higher EQ understand that and embrace change as the only constant. Adopting an open mindset to positive change will increase your patience and also send many opportunities knocking your way.
4. Empathize a lot
Empathy is the magic word here! Many of us tend to confuse the concept of sympathy with empathy here. The very subtle difference is that while sympathy promotes feelings of care and understanding for other people's suffering/condition, empathy encourages you to put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about a situation from their perspective. Emotionally smart people are not only caring and compassionate, but they tend to react or behave with empathy. When in a group, they tend to interact with each member and try to make them feel as if they belong. If you want to be perceived as a geneuinely sensible person, then understand that you must be a good listeners and empathize within conversations, irrespective of whether you are introverts or extroverts. Empathizing with friends, family, colleagues, and acquaintances will encourage them to be honest with you and builds a healthy atmosphere for open communication.
5. Do away with prejudices
While dealing with people, emotionally intelligent individuals tend to stay away from prejudices. If you want people to perceive you as a person with high EQ, you must learn to emulate the same in conversations. Do not form ready judgements or jump to conclusions without hearing the other person finish his point of view. For example, you might think a person of certain gender or social class might behave a certain way or have some rigid ideas about them--that is a prejudice and it must not reflect in your interactions with that person. This aspect of emotional intelligence is less to do with learning and more with unlearning. It means that you will have to unlearn years of certain prejudiced ideologies and thoughts you might have learnt or been exposed to from the society, family or friends.
5. Deal with conflicts sensibly
Let's face it, not everyone might have the same thoughts and ideas as you. There are a zillion ways a fight or argument can be triggered, just because people don't get along or simply do not share the same opinion on situations. The best way to appear more mature is to deal with it calmly and in a composed manner. Every time you encounter conflict with someone, try listening to their side and explain your point in a structured, unoffensive, and non-aggressive manner. It is essential that here you stay away from prejudices and also employ empathy, which can help you deal with it better. Be subtle and neutral while trying to show the opposite person why his side appears wrong to you and avoid making personal, mean comments. Also, refrain from making drastic decisions in a fit of anger or even extreme happiness. All of this will save you from a whole load of embarrassment later, trust me!
6. Say goodbye to toxic people
Toxic people can sometimes be extremely difficult to identify. In certain cases, a few family members or even friends can exhibit toxic behavior, which in turn can affect you emotionally. For your own sanity, you might sometimes have to let go of such obnoxious people and steer clear of them. If that person is unavoidable or is a family member, emotionally intelligent people tend to stay neutral and avoid any sort of conflict with them. They are polite, cordial and yet stay away from any additional socializing with them. Say goodbye to such people mentally and then watch your mental health thank you each day after. Enough said!
7. Improve your emotional vocabulary
To better deal with your emotions, it is important that you also expand your emotional vocabulary. Learn to differentiate between various emotions and their layers. Understand the varying meanings and synonyms of anger, happiness, sadness, and others. You'll realize that anger, annoyance, exasperation, irritation, and resentment fall under one negative category, but individually each one means a subtly different thing than the others. By expanding your emotional vocabulary, you'll soon learn to emote better and at any given time, you'll be able to precisely express how you feel. This will remove confusion among varying emotions and you'll learn to communicate effectively without any ambiguity.
Nobody was born emotionally perceptive at once. It sometimes takes people years of learning, exposure to different cultures/people/situations, personal setbacks, or even age to up their EQ. So, if you think you can do a lot better, in terms of emotional intelligence, don't worry! We all have been there and done that, and only time and tide will sail our boats to that side of the shore.
